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Tuesday, November 30, 2004





There are some very strange custom licence plates out here in BC.

Anyone else spotted any interesting ones?

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

MOURNING 



This made me really laugh.

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage.

Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replies: "Mom! I have someone for you to meet.

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses as he does.

There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?"

She replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario.

She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit .... except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: "What's with this ... a black condom?"

He replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."


Your Pal

Haddocktwat



Tuesday, November 16, 2004

FAN 



So far I'm a fan of my new box but not a fan of the fan. It's too fucking loud and noisy.

Yes the box works but the keyboard is the same and the monitor is the same and the speakers are the same and the fan is louder. A lot louder.

I'm a bit scared to call CLF after the "big job" on the "fucked box". But I'm a lot more scared of trying to find a quiet fan and (even worse) installing it.

Guess I'll have to put up with the noise.

Your Pal

Saturday, November 13, 2004

FUCKED 



There is no way that CLF's should take a vacation if there is any chance (and I mean any chance at all - even a million to one) of their non-CLF's (i.e technotwats like me) having computer problems.

That seems sensible to me.

Even worse. When they return and, after a few days (to recover from the vacation), there is no way they should say "Well. Your box is fucked. What did you do?"

Couldn't he break it to me gently? Why did he assume I did something? What kind of techotalk is "fucked box" anyway?

Not only was my box fucked but also my back was (and still is ) fucked. Possibly unrelated except for the timeline.

This is my "new" box. So far it works. But what a fucking nightmare. It wasn't even fucking html (honest z - it wasn't)

It took time, money and grovelling to fix the "fucked box".

I'm back and look out.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Thursday, November 11, 2004

AXIOMS 



The following are true. Believe me, I know.

USE DEFAULTS. Always let the program choose the default during installation. Give up on the idea that you're in charge of the machine. While many programs give you the option of choosing a different destination for all those installation files, forget it. These offers are not serious. You can be certain that by choosing an installation location that is anywhere other than the default location, you'll suffer in some way someday.

RESET NOW. When asked if you want to reset, always reset immediately. Sure, you are given the option to reset later. You can do it right away, or you can do it in a week. The reset-later option only exists to trick you into seeing what happens if you delay resetting. If you ever call customer support it is the first thing they will ask you about. Then if you tell them you did not reset immediately they will laugh and put you on the speakerphone. Don't be fooled, reset now.

MINIMUM DOES NOT WORK. Don't be cheap with memory. While you can buy machines with the minimum memory required to run Windows, this is actually a marketing gimmick. Get twice the minimum or you'll be sorry. Four times the minimum is even better.

WIZARDS ARE A HOAX. Wizards are not wizards, they are attempts to waste your time and frustrate you. Once in a while they work, but not intentionally. Installation wizards, troubleshooting wizards--none of them work. When you call customer support in Bombay you get someone there running the same wizards only with an Indian accent. The better solution is to throw out the computer and buy a new one.

UPGRADES DO NOT HELP. When you upgrade software nothing good happens. The software just gets prettier, maybe. In many cases the software vendor has studied the usefulness of the product and then added useless features while often eliminating or changing the one good feature, the specific feature that you used a lot. This is done on purpose because software companies hate you.

CUSTOM INSTALLS ARE NOT CUSTOM. When installing software you are often given two options, a "typical install" or a "custom (advanced)" install. There is no difference. This option is to give you the illusion that you are smart and in control when you pick the advanced option.

WHEN YOUR NET CONNECTION IS DOWN, NOBODY WILL KNOW WHY. Nobody knows why your Net connection is down, ever. Most ISPs, especially if they are owned by a phone company, will not even know that your connection is down until you tell them and then they will act flabbergasted. If you ask them to look into it they will start a trouble ticket which is then thrown into a waste bin. The connection eventually returns on its own for unknown reasons.

Wi-Fi BRAND INTEROPERABILITY DOESN'T WORK. Oh, it works sometimes, but generally if you begin to mix too many different Wi-Fi brands you'll discover that they don't work well together, if at all. These companies are too busy making money to care. Get over it.

OLD BURNED CDs FAIL. They don't fail immediately, but those old backups and files you burned onto CDs (and now DVDs) will stop working any minute. Go check some of the old ones you did. You'll see. You'll discover that you can't read a few of them already. So sorry.

COMPUTERS CRASH MORE AS THEY GET OLDER.This is part of a scheme hatched by the hardware and software companies to get you to buy new machines. It's a slow degenerative process that you can do nothing about it. Nobody is really sure how it works. We're studying it.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 

I'm still here. Yes I am but GRRRRRRRRRRRR

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Monday, November 01, 2004

ROUTES 



One of the more interesting post-flitting things is discovering the best route to work. I mean THE BEST.Second best won't do.

The last part of my route is the same as before (over the Lionsgate Bridge and into the heart of downtown Vancouver) so no challenge there. It's the getting to the Lionsgate Bridge which is more interesting. My new spot is quite close to a main road which goes directly to Lionsgate Bridge. Two lanes in each direction and pretty straight. The main problems are For half the route there is no choice but for the middle part (which is the worst) I can avoid many of the problems by taking a parallel road either one block south or a few blocks north. The one block south alternative route is by the waterfront it is better but is afflicted with. The North alternative is a bit out of the way and runs through a residential area but hasAny of you who drive on the wrong side (lefthand side) of the road should note that making a left turn here is the equivalent hassle to you making a right turn.

I am still experimenting. What do you think?

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

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