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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

WHAT IS IT? 



Mystery Painting

What is it?

Answer tomorrow or the next day.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

TECHTALK 



I'm blogging at work because of %&*(*&*&%$$#%. I am not sure if I want to talk about it.

Last night I was reading one of my usual blogs and I got kicked off the Internet. This is unusual as I have highspeed cable internet and no one else was using it. So I did all my usual things, rebooted the modem, router and computer. Nothing - no change. No internet. So I thought fuck it and went to bed.

This morning the situation was unchanged. I rebooted everything again but to no avail.

So I called tech support at my ISP. They were great but had me do all the things I had already done and they still didn't work. So they had me disconnect the router ( I use it as a firewall and also its wireless so I can use my laptop outside) and connect my cable modem directly to the cable. Still no change. We scheduled the earliest possible visit for a tech - Thursday fucking morning. I turned the computer off and got ready for work. At the last minute I decided to unplug the modem and leave it disconnected for the day. When I got to the computer the modem was showing the online light instead of the ugly flashing fuck off lights. So I booted up the computer, loaded my browser and all was well. Everything was working like magic.

OK then I called tech support again and told them magic had happened and cancelled the tech visit for Thursday. I continued surfing when it happened. My email, which wasn't even open started sending out millions of emails bang bang bang. WTF ?

I shut everything down and went to work. This is a blog from work.

I am not looking forward to tonight.

HELP ME PLEASE.

Your Pal

Monday, August 30, 2004

G MAIL 

I have been using gmail for a while now and quite like it. As you probably know gmail isn't yet open to the general public. How a twat like me got an account still baffles me.

Anyway, perhaps some of you would like to try it. I have 6 invites that I can send out to people to open a gmail account. If you would like one just let me know. Regulars first.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Friday, August 27, 2004

WEIRD OR WHAT 



So now we blogger users have the new blogger toolbar across the tops of our blogs. It is much better than the old ads and has the added advantage of giving rise to a new and wonderful way of wasting time. On the extreme right (of the blogger toolbar stupid) there is a button which says "next blog" click this and you move on to a random blogger blog. Then click the button on this one and move on again at random. Man are there some stupid blogs out there. Most of them have no comments and no links. I mean what is the point of talking to yourself?

Most of them are in English and I would guess the next most common language is Spanish. Many are unregulated teenage angst. Many have a black background and only slightly lighter font colours so I could barely read them. Many are by f8 or HAkrZ or their ilk. A vast number are political rants. Some, precious few, are interesting or even funny. I may complain about you lot but now I realize how lucky I am.

Here's the weird thing. I came across this blog called Sports Bra by "The Butterfly Guy". Only one post and it said "Sports Bra". Odd I thought and then moved on. A while later I hit Recreational Vehicles by the very same blogger - "The Butterfly Guy". Again only one post repeating the title. Very strange. So I checked the blogger profile for The Butterfly Guy. The guy has 496 fucking blogs. Fuck me. All with one post repeating the blog name. This is a cyber squatter hoping to sell these names. That's the only explanation I could think of. He picked a boring bunch of names, maybe right out of the phone directory.

As my old nanna used to say "There's nowt so queer as folk"

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

WALK 



HT: I'm going for a walk in the rain.
SWMBO: Be careful out there.
HT: I'm not made of sugar. I won't dissolve in the rain.
SWMBO: Remember shit washes away in the rain.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Thursday, August 26, 2004

RAIN 



We have had just about 2 months of almost uninterrupted baking heat. Suddenly, three days ago, it changed. It cooled off and the rain started. It hasn't stopped yet. Its only August but it feels like October. All those idiots complaining about the heat, praying for rain, doing a raindance etc. have got their way. Well I hope they are fucking satisfied cos I'm not. I'll take another month of heat please and it can start tomorrow since today already looks like no fucking chance. I could stay inside and watch the Olympics (NOT) or blog but I think I'll go for a long walk in the rain to get ready for what is to come. Oh well, tomorrow is Poets Day so there is always that.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

DFL 

You know what that means - right? If not here it is in Urban Dictionary

Jonathon Crowe of Shawville Quebec has a new slant on the Olympics. His website shows all those who finished DFL.

A great idea Jonathon, the winners get far too much publicity. Here's what he has to say:

I'm keeping track of last-place finishers in as many events at the 2004 Athens Games as I can. They have to finish: DNFs, DNSes, DQs and NMs don't count here. I give the last-place result and compare it to the winning result in the final if it's meaningful. I never mention the gold medallist's name here -- they get enough press.


Check out his way cool site.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Monday, August 23, 2004

LADY P 

Yes, gentle readers, it is as it sounds.

A sign for LADY P in Brussels airport. Yes its a "Urinoir" for females.

LADY P

Belgium is enlightened in this matter. They know that females who "hover" over the seat spray everywhere and make one hell of a mess. Much worse than males. Males get the blame but are they the real culprits? I think not. It's the "females who hover" and "sprinkle when they tinkle" who are to blame.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Sunday, August 22, 2004

IKEA 



I trudged out to Ikea yesterday. It is always busy on Saturdays, especially rainy Saturdays, like yesterday. So I made sure to go early. Arriving before 10 am usually beats the crowds. Not yesterday. It was almost impossible to find parking and the parking lot is immense. I almost drove away and later I almost wished I had. The store wasn't very busy though and I found this rather puzzling. When I got to the resaurant I found out why. There was an absolutely gigantic line up at the restaurant. Something I have never seen before at Ikea. I mean how many swedish meatballs with lingonberry sauce can you eat at 10 am?

But the meatballs were not the attraction. It was the almost free breakfast.

Breakfast for a buck

Breakfast For A Buck

Scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, and croissant.
Every morning until 11am. $1


Now it all made sense. The full parking lot. The empty store. The cheap breakfast.

None of these people were actually shopping at Ikea. They just came for the free breakfast. Half the fucking population of Richmond was there.

So I didn't have any meatballs. Just looked at things until my eyes popped out of my head and then went home.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat


Friday, August 20, 2004

SIT OR STAND? 



This campaign to get males to sit down to pee is wrong. Pure D wrong.

Germany is in the forefront of this misguided campaign as witnessed by this sign.

Don't Pee Standing Up You Evil Man

It would make more sense for females to pee standing up.

Belgium is quite enlightened in this regard.

Here is a female urinal at Brussels airport complete with excellent instruction sign.

Learn To Pee Standing Up Woman

Of course then women would have to learn what to do when confronted by a row of female urinals like this.

Stand In a Line And Pee

Females would have to learn the mysterious bog etiquette governing where to go. Males instinctively know this from birth.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Thursday, August 19, 2004

BAFFLING 

This Swedish Loo sign is baffling. At least to me.

What the fuck is the front compartment for?



What the fuck is the front compartment for?

My thanks to Culpper3 who I stole this from.

It truly deserves wide circulation

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Monday, August 16, 2004

BEARS 



Tonight, when I got home from work, there was a bear at the bottom of my garden. An adult Black bear eating blackberries. I watched from inside the house with binoculars.

I called the bear hotline to report it and just got an answering machine. The message just asked me to give my address and so on so they can track where bears are and what they are doing.

It has been a long hot summer and the berries are ripe very early this year so the bears are down from the mountains and fattening up.

This bear was just busy eating berries and going about his business and not really bothering me but I couldn't help wishing that he would fuck off and go and not bother someone else.

Funnily enough I got an email from someone earlier today describing how to tell the difference between Grizzly bears and Black bears. For those of you who aren't aware Grizzlies are extremely dangerous while Black bears are very timid. If you go in the bush with a small bell on your packsack then Black bears will hear it and keep away. If you stumble across a Black bear by accident a quick shot of pepper spray will send it on its way. Grizzly bears are not so easily discouraged.

If you don't actually see the bear just the signs it is useful to be able to distinguish between Black bear shit and Grizzly bear shit. This is quite easy. Black bear shit tends to contain berries and a bit of squirrel fur. Grizzly bear shit contains little bells and smells of pepper.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Sunday, August 15, 2004

LIFE AT THE NIGHT MARKET 



Night markets are a great tradition in Hong Kong and other such places. Vancouver, with its high proportion of population of Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Phillipino descent is a natural for such a market. In fact Vancouver has two of them One in Chinatown and one in Richmond. The Richmond Night Market is huge.

Richmond Night Market

It starts around 7 pm and goes on until 1 or 2 am. It is a whole bunch of market stalls set up in a large parking lot in an industrial area.

The Market Stalls

As you can see the crowds are immense.

Crowd

They sell all kinds of things knock off gucchi bags etc etc. Vietnamese CD's, Chinese CD's, Japanese CD's. DVD's and computer games. All very legit of course. "Yes officer I did pay only $3 for that DVD. No officer I had no reason to believe it wasn't legit". Cheap CDR's, ink cartridges etc. Here are a couple of the more typical stalls though.

The first features ugly bags and ugly slippers

Ugly bags and ugly slippers

And the next features knickers.

Knickers

But then there is the food.

Food

Some of the food was familiar but some was like octopus on a stick, suicide fish balls, pig skin and turnip and some did not appear to have an English name but smelled bad.

Some made your cheeks puff up.

Puffy

And then there was Dragon Beard Candy

Dragon Beard Candy

This dragon beard candy is made from thousands of hand-stretched strands of sugar and maltose, which are wrapped around bits of chopped coconut, peanuts and sesame seeds. It was originally only for Chinese Emperors but now anyone can go out to the Night Market and buy it.

I didn't find any toilets but there must have been some somewhere.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Saturday, August 14, 2004

MORE 



I'm on a roll here. Once a theme gets in my fishhead its hard to make it go away.

What do you make of this?

Go here but NOT here

I decided it means you can piss standing up but can't sit down to do anything. Maybe it means piss here but don't shit here (at least not while sitting).
On second thoughts, looking very hard at the second one ... does it have tits? That might change everything. My interpretation might be wrong.

NEXT ONE

This is obviously a mens loo but its a bit off-putting isn't it?
How much does she get paid to do this anyway?
Maybe its piecework, maybe she gets paid by the yard.

small isn't it?

NEXT ONE

But this does not appear to be a mens loo. At least I don't think so.

Oh yeah

Fascinating area to explore isn't it?

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Friday, August 13, 2004

SIGNS 



For Males

How to pee

For males and females



Just so you know

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

JUST FOR SCOOTERDEB 



CCSU's automatic-flushing toilets are a bane to the bung. The sensitive sensor that serves as a personal flushing attendant causes the john to flush underneath the bare bottom. Their performance as a personal bathroom valet is so poor that were the human, they would be fired, and likely assaulted. Why, then, tolerate the premature flush? It is alarming, unpleasant, and unhealthy.
The idea and concept of the self-flushing can is noble. It is an example of what we self-importantly dub Yankee Ingenuity - overcoming the dilemma posed by having to wipe poop and then, immediately hence, touch a communal handle. Yet, a solution had already emerged in grassroots fashion and become widely practiced. The technique is foot-flushing.

The threat posed by an open flushing toilet is real and scientifically substantiated. What happens is an aerosol effect that causes fecal bacteria to float about the bathroom. The highest concentration of bacteria is in the air right above the toilet. Charles Gerba, a professor at the University of Arizona who specializes in environmental microbiology, has reported in terms of germs, it looks something like "Baghdad at night during a U.S. air attack." (www.straightdope.com)

Mr. Antonini, Director of Facilities Management, it is imperative that the sensors be adjusted to allow a slight degree of movement when sitting on the bowl. Sometimes it is helpful to lean over forward when expelling particularly shy feces. The poetry and prose that adorn the stall walls sometimes demand that the reader crane their neck to read a potty proverb. These perfectly natural bowel movement movements should not be punished with a water spanking.


Hey That Tickles

Enjoy this Scooterdeb - its for you

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

PARASKAVEDEKATRIAPHOBIA 



Pronunciation: [pê-ræs-kê-vey-dê-kæ-tri-ê-'fo-bi-yê]

Definition 1: The Fear of Friday the Thirteenth, a form of triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number thirteen.

Usage 1: The fear of Friday the 13th originated in two fears: the fear of Friday and the fear of the number "13." Why? Well, no one knows so we won't repeat any of the urban myths that have arisen to explain either. The fear of 13 is clearly much greater than the fear of Friday, since the 13th floor is regularly omitted from high-rise buildings, 13th Street and 13th Avenue are often omitted in street numbering, and no one would dare invite 13 guests to sit around the table for dinner--at least one would surely die within a year.

Suggested usage: Most people fear this word more than breaking a mirror while walking under a ladder to avoid a black cat on Friday 13th. It is long but pronounceable with a little practice: "Paraskavedekatriaphobia is among the leading causes of loss of productivity since many sufferers avoid coming to work on that day." For the adjective, just replace the final [a] with a [c], "Freemont is an old paraskavedekatriaphobic who never leaves the house on Friday the 13th."

Etymology: Today's word is a humorous concoction that no Greek would ever utter. It seems to be based on the Greek word for Friday "paraskeue" + dekatria "thirteen" (deka "ten" + tria "three;" not "thirteenth," which is "dekatreis") + fobos "fear" + ia, a noun suffix. "Friday the Thirteenth" in Modern Greek is "Paraskeue kai dekatreis." If you are worried today, we thought you might like to know that your worry has a name.


I just thought you might be interested.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat



Thursday, August 12, 2004

Icon 

Try this Toilet Icon thingy. It made me laugh.

Oh -- ADULT CONTENT WARNING --I almost forgot

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

LIFE/BLOG 



lIFE/bLOG

bLOG/lIFE

wHAT TO DO?

i AM CONFUSED .

mORE THAN USUAL.

cON-FUCKING-FUSED

gOT IT?

yOUR pAL

hADDOCKTWAT

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

TIRED 



Man I am tired. Went to Whistler yesterday.

Whistler Village

Luch was had at the place with the yellow awning thingy on the right.

Rode the gondola thingy to the top of the mountain. Spectacular view up there.

Tired now and have to go to work.

All this going out and getting a life doesn't leave much blogging time.

Is that good or bad?

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Sunday, August 08, 2004

FIREWORKS 



So I got out again last night. Along with about 500,000 others I went to the fireworks.

They were truly spectacular.

Vancouver Fireworks

As you can see they are set off from a barge moored in English Bay which is the main beach in Vancouver. This is not my photo, I stole it from here where you can get a fullsize high resolution version (6.3 Mb TIF file). I am amazed at my success in downloding this large file, reducing the size, converting from tif to gif, uploading to photobucket (sorry Hyacinth I think it should be pronounced bouquet?) and linking to it for you to see. Do you realize how much blood sweat and tears it cost me to a) learn how to do it and b) actually pull it off. I mean do you fuckin realize that I s

Last night was a 25 minute show with 4,500 separate fireworks.

500,000 spectators and at last count only 6 arrests.

Its an annual competition with 3 different countries competing each year. This year it was China, Sweden and Spain. Sweden were the handsdown winners.

Here are a couple of links if you want to see more.

In the end, a love-in for Sweden

and

Celebration of Light

I am glad I am getting out more. There are things going on out there.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Friday, August 06, 2004

The Gym 



Just got back from the Gym. I am really trying to get out more. But sometimes there are some very scarey sights that make me want to stay at home and never go out.

The Gym

Is it just me or is this scarey?

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Thursday, August 05, 2004

The World 



I did it. I went outside. Its true there is a world out there.

I was out in Deep Cove when I spotted this sign

Dog Sign at Deep Cove

I had no trouble at all reading it.

btw the guys on the upper walkway are buying parking tickets for their boat. The sign there says "No seaplanes Allowed"


Your Pal

Haddocktwat

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT 



I have resized my graphics for the 20% of you with a low screen resoltion of 800 x 600.

I fixed my Main Column width at 55% and my graphics are all 400 thingies wide now.

I have added width and height thingies to all the graphics so they load faster.

WHAT MORE DO YOU CUNTS WANT?

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

LIFE 



So it seems that all I have been doing in any spare time has been fucking with the fucking template. Then cramming (or at least trying to cram) more computerese-type information into my tiny little pea brain. Then fucking with the fucking template some more. Christ I haven't even put up a new post for days. Is this what life is all about? I don't think so. I don't think I was put on Earth to spend my time template-fucking. There must be more to life than template-fucking. I think I am a slave to my curiosity.

Haddocktwat vows right now to go outside and see if there is another world out there.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Magic 



The Blogrolling thingy seems to be working alright and has done for a couple of days now. Who knows what the problem was virus. trojan horse, general fuck up, specific fuck up aimed at me or (heaven forbid) something I did. Paranoia notwithstanding I think it was something beyond my control. But then again most computer thingies are beyond my control. Everytime I do something and it works I can't quite believe it. It is like magic. Remember when you were a little kid and a magician did something which was obviously impossible. That's how I feel about computers. Some scifi writer once said something to the effect of " Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic".He was right.

Anyway I took the risk of adding a few more of the blogs I read on a regular basis to the blogrolling thingy. Lets see what happens.

Your Pal

Haddocktwat

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